12/20/2005 02:25:00 PM|W|P|Dan Burrell|W|P|
Every once in a while, I just take a morning and clean off my desk. (Yesterday was my day for cleaning.) Most of the stuff I find is a little dated, small ideas, quick notes and things I never quite got around to doing. Well, today’s post is that. A desk-clearing/head-clearing mishmash of odds-n-ends. No order, no agenda, no strategy – just “This, That and the Other.”
I think the President is back in charge (or maybe, Karl Rove is) because he’s more like the guy we elected to office than we’ve seen in several months. By the way, I’m really not joking when I put that “Karl Rove” reference in there.
I gotta’ say that I have some concerns about the President’s circumventing of established procedures to authorize spying on US citizens. In a day of instant communication and cell phones and email, how hard would it be to run a quick request for a wire-tap or whatever by a judge? In addition, he could actually get retroactive approval for a wire tap up to three days after the wire tap was done according to the law. This country is founded on a separation of powers for a reason. We shouldn’t just ignore that when it gets inconvenient. If you disagree with me on this, just ask yourself what you’d think if “President” Gore or Kerry did this. I think Bush got some bad counsel from Gonzalez on this one. A sense of urgency can sometimes cause pragmatic justifications and excess.
There are few media outlets I hold in greater disdain than I do the New York Times. From their owner to the publisher to their editor to their reporters, they are as despicable a bunch of liberals masquerading as journalists as we can find. BUT…I find it disturbing that the President called the publisher and editor into the White House to pressure them personally into spiking a story. Once again, a free press is a free press. If this was genuinely an issue of national security, the President should have gone through the procedures outlined in the law to get approval for surveillance. Don’t shoot the messenger and call it patriotic.
Multiple people sent me the press releases on the “mega-churches” that decided en masse to cancel Sunday services on Christmas day and wondered what I thought of it. As you might expect, I have several thoughts. First, I think it is shockingly absurd. Yes! Let’s have a celebration commemorating the birth of our Savior! But let’s not let it interfere with really important things like watching our kids open a vulgar amount of mindless toys and then stuffing ourselves silly before collapsing on the couch to watch the Seinfeld Series DVD’s we got for Christmas. IMHO, I think this is just fairly typical of what has made this generation’s church slovenly ineffective. We want a faith that costs us little – therefore, we shouldn’t be surprised that it accomplishes little. We can gussy it up by having Christmas Eve services or designating the day as a "celebration of family", etc…, but in the end, we KNOW what the real motivation was. Selfishness. Would it have been too difficult to have a one-hour celebration of Christmas sometime during the day that is actually set aside to commemorate the birth of Christ? I also find disturbing, the report that the leadership teams of a conglomeration of mega-churches apparently dialogued privately before making the decision as a group. So, let’s get this right, trendy churches are now setting trends for what should be embraced by the rest of us, right? Nah, that’s why I’m an “Independent” Baptist.
I was one of the first to get connected to the world of the internet when it really began unfolding 12-15 years ago. I recall, with fondness, sitting in front of my OLD MacIntosh Computer absolutely amazed that I could get and send email. I participated in an email “forum” of sorts (which, btw, showed even then how people would use the anonymity and isolation of cyberspace to be cruel, contentious and cranky) which is to today’s blogosphere what those big-front-wheeled bicycles are to the space shuttle. I’ve just got to say though that the Internet is on my list of top five great things I’m glad I was alive to experience in this age. Sharing thoughts, reading research, cruising for new ideas, connecting to great people and so much more are possible because of it. Sure, I know it’s pitfalls – and like with everything else there is a down or dark side. This is just a great age to be in the communication ministry and I can’t wait to see where it takes us next.
Speaking of which, during 2006, Northside Baptist Church is taking a significant leap forward in connecting to the world “out there”. We will be streaming our services live via the internet sometime this year. We are also going to begin the process of doing on-line training, live “huddles” with leadership, offering courses and seminars and other innovative uses of technology to keep our church family moving forward and remaining connected.
I’m working on an article that in a moment of insanity, I will probably post here in the next few weeks. It is going to ask some tough questions of the Christian colleges in this country. From the fundamentalist bastions like Bob Jones University and Pensacola Christian College, to those who have broadened for a variety of reasons like Liberty University and Tennessee Temple, to the small schools who are struggling for relevance and a constituency, to the issue of those formerly conservative institutions which have been lost to theological soundness or are headed that way in a rush, to the reactionary “colleges” (and I use that term loosely) who are founded largely to serve a man’s ego or to “separate” themselves from others with whom they are incapable of debating productively – I have some observations and issues on which I’d like to challenge them. I serve on the Board of Directors of multiple colleges and speak at even more. Some which used to invite me to speak in their largest meetings and conferences will no longer even allow me on their campus to recruit for staff. As a pastor and an educator, I just have some questions I want to ask out loud in regard to the state of higher Christian education. I personally find great frustration with the politics and pettiness that exists between some schools and great hope for some things I see as well. I suspect that just by posting this “tease” I’m going to make some College administrators nervous. That may not be a bad thing.
Once again, an all-knowing, all powerful judge has determined what is right for the rest of the country as a Delaware court has not simply overturned a local school board’s requirement that Intelligent Design be considered along side of evolution, but also ruled that they could not teach that evolution was a “theory”. One of the greatest causes of the on-going social wars and subsequent chaos in this country is an out-of-control activist judiciary which continues to wrest control and decisions away from the states and cities and vests them instead, in the domain of the Northeastern power elite. Government breaks down the further you isolate it from the people. Let the states and communities and local taxing districts decide these situations. It’s been 30 years of turmoil since Roe vs. Wade took abortion laws away from the states and made it a federal issue. From crèches in parks, to sodomy statutes, to 10 Commandment displays, to the teaching of evolution, abstinence and extra-curricular religious topics in clubs, the insistence on the activist (liberal) courts to insert their high-minded and heavy-handed authority in issues best determined on a local issue continues to rip at the social fabric and societal values that were once the bedrock of this country. I’m not a big fan of I.D. per se, but let the locals decide. (I might add we got into this mess when we started allowing the federal government to fund the local school systems, but that is another rant.) And I might add, the language of the judge and the verbage used in the decision shows what could only be discribed as an arrogant loathing of the conservatives in this case and their religious values. He mocked, "preached", fined and demeaned them in a way that ought to offend every sincere person of faith in the country.
By they way, why is it censorship to suggest that some books should not be accessible to children in public libraries, but not when the federal government refuses to even allow a belief to which the majority of Americans subscribe to be mentioned?
As the 2008 election draws nearer, we can see various candidates pulling out of their respective political garages for test spins. Here are a few of my own thoughts on the passing parade: Most Interesting Presidential Face-Off – It would have to be Hillary vs. Condi. Least Interesting Presidential Face-Off – For the Republicans, it would have to be McCain vs. Giuliani and for the Democrats, Gore vs. Kerry. Can anyone say “Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumber”? Most Shocking Ticket: McCain and Lieberman as Independents. Surest way to get the Religious Right to sit at home in 2008: Have the Republicans nominate McCain or Giuliani. Surest way to get the Religious Right to go to the polls in 2008: Have the Democrats nominate Hillary.
I’m so proud of our Northside Christian Academy family! One of our delightful junior girls is an amazing story of courage and grace. Her mother (who’s a single mom) suffered a stroke last year and she remains significantly physically impaired as a result. Melody takes care of all the family responsibilities and the care of her mom which is nearly at a level that it requires a full-time nurse. (She is not mobile or continent.) They live together, in a very small house, on disability. She attends our school on scholarship and is a hard worker and fine example. Her life is school and taking care of her mother and attending her church as she is able. Over the Thanksgiving holiday, our church took up a special offering of over $3,000 to help her catch up on some of her bills, but it wasn’t enough. So the school kids decided to designate this year’s “Baby Jesus” offering (an annual Christmas project offering) for Melody and her mom. At this date, the kids raised over $17,000! Read more HERE. Melody and her mom are overwhelmed and our administration is working with them on getting caught up on bills, budgeting the needs for medication and organizing their finances for the mid-term. I’m so proud to be the President of a school with students like our NCA kids. The largest gift that came in was $500 which means these kids and their parents were giving collectively. I know of kids who worked to earn money, gave away their own Christmas money and more so that this need could be addressed. While talking with our headmaster, Melody shyly asked if she might get an extra $25 from the funds so she could buy a housecoat for her mom for Christmas. Mr. Kilgore made sure that Melody knew that she was going to have access to make sure that both she and her mom had a nice Christmas. (If you want to give to the fund, you may send it to the “Melody Fund” at Northside Christian Academy, 333 Jeremiah Blvd., Charlotte, NC 28262).
NOTE: Here's an update from a couple of our sweetest church/school ladies...
Hey, Christy B*** and I went over to see Peggy and Melody M***** today. While we were there Peggy's Physical Therapist came in. Peggy stood up out of her chair for the first time. Her chair is one of those that tilts forward but the last time she tried to stand up she couldn't. She just cried. (and so did I) What a blessing! When we left she was walking to the bathroom using her walker. I'm so excited for them!!
Just wanted to share the good news with you all.
I’m picking up our eldest “son” from the airport tomorrow and then our whole family will be together for the holidays. (Rene’ is our unofficial “fifth” kid and he’s a student at Florida International University in Miami and hasn’t been home in a year so we’re looking forward to having him home for a few days.) We’re going to take some time together as a family next week, so my updating may continue to be “spotty” for the rest of the year.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog this year. I hope I will continue to challenge your thinking without making you too furious in the year to come.
|W|P|113510796391392410|W|P|This, That and the Other (Redux)|W|P|jdpettus@gmail.com12/22/2005 11:20:00 AM|W|P| Cindy Swanson|W|P|Dan, thanks for being a blessing to me and others through your wonderful blog. I hope you and your family have a very blessed Christmas!4/27/2006 09:00:00 PM|W|P| Dan Burrell|W|P|I'm not simply talking about ID, but also would include actual "creationism". Sure, there are gaps and questions that the naturalist or scientist might throw into any discussion. That's fair play. But it's intellectually dishonest to just summarily dismiss any discussion of alternative theories to evolution. There IS scientific and philosophical evidence of ID and Creationism....but the proponents of Evolution won't even allow them to be discussed. That, my friend, is censorship plainly and simply.12/19/2005 09:18:00 AM|W|P|Dan Burrell|W|P|Todd Rhoades sends out a weekly "Monday" email to pastors that is often informative and occasionally hilarious. Todd runs "Church Staffing.Com" which is actually a very good place to visit if you are looking for staff additions. This morning, he gave us his list of "7 Things NOT to Give Todd for Christmas." Few things make me laugh outloud on a Monday. This one did. You can read it HERE.|W|P|113500204371124805|W|P|What NOT to Get Your Pastor for Christmas|W|P|jdpettus@gmail.com12/14/2005 11:33:00 AM|W|P|Dan Burrell|W|P|
You may remember that I posted an article on "Taxing the Life Out of Porn" a couple of months ago. I actually sent it to my syndication manager and it went out around the country and was picked up internationally on several websites and press outlets including a large web news outlet. Let's just say that the feedback from the pornographers has been, well, er..."less than gracious." I recently did a websearch on my name to find that one website (and NO, I will NOT link it here) actually has a whole page devoted to me with my name and a suggestion that is both immoral and offensive. As we say in the country, "Throw a rock down a dark alley and the dog that yelps loudest is the one you probably hit."
I'm pleased to tell you that this idea of putting a "sin tax" on porn has gained some momentum. Today, at 4:00, none other than FOX NEWS financial guru, Neil Cavuto will be discussing the idea of adding pornography to the sin tax list.
As I've said repeatedly, rare is the tax that I like and I'm philosophically opposed to using taxation for the purpose of social engineering. But, I'm willing to pragmatically put aside my economic values for the sake of making life a bit more miserable for porno-kings and their mindless minions.
My good friend who is an attorney tells me I'm whistling through my hat. He contends that assigning a special tax to a (albeit a slimey) portion of the "media" is more than a little likely to be interpretted as a violation of the First Amendment. That may be the case, but I'd still like to give it a shot.
After we run this by the courts, I'd like to see a sharp group of class action litigators go after the alcohol companies for the tens of thousands of deaths that are caused each year by drunk driving, drunk violence and disease. Hey, if we can do it to the tobacco companies and the pharmaceutical folks, why can't we go after Bud, Jack Daniels and the boys? There's a lot of money waiting to be "harvested" guys -- go for it!
If you missed my article the first time, click HERE.|W|P|113457879058701360|W|P|Taxing the Life Out of Porn Gaining Momentum|W|P|jdpettus@gmail.com12/15/2005 10:37:00 PM|W|P| Terry Lange|W|P|Please elaborate on what a "syndication manager" is? I have never heard of such a person/title before?12/15/2005 10:42:00 PM|W|P| Dan Burrell|W|P|Terry...I am published columnist with Evangelical Press News which is a syndicate that distributes various news articles and commentarys made available by subscription. The term "syndication manager" is what I call the guy who makes the decisions about which articles and commentaries to distribute each week. I submit my work to him and he takes it from there.12/16/2005 03:49:00 PM|W|P| Terry Lange|W|P|Thanks for elaborating... As Paul Harvey would say, "Now you know the rest of the story"
Next question, how does one get a writing gig like you have with EPN?
Thanks12/13/2005 12:38:00 PM|W|P|Dan Burrell|W|P|
Benjamin Franklin once said, "How many observe Christ's birthday! How few, his teachings! O, 'tis easier to keep holidays than commandments."
There’s a lot of hullabaloo this time of the year over “Keeping Christ in Christmas”. John Gibson, of the FOX News Channel has even written a best-selling book entitled “The War On Christmas.” I have been invited twice in recent days talk radio shows (one of which was a nationally-syndicated show) to discuss how corporate America is changing Christmas into a cultural celebration as opposed to a religious observance and how the forces of political correctness are trying to nueter the spiritual message. (After thinking about it, I declined the invitations as I don’t think they would have liked my take on the whole topic.)
Controversy surrounding the appropriate observance of holidays or Holy Days and the conflict between the secular and the sacred are as old as the New Testament Church. Paul had to address this to the believers in Rome, Galatia and Colossae. Even then the propriety and protocol for observing various holidays was controversial -- particularly among the believers.
Bob Hope used to say, "The Christmas spirit is a wonderful thing. It's the one time of the year when a man will give somebody a $50 watch, and the rest of the year he wouldn't give him the time of day."
I think few of us would argue that the way we observe Christmas in this day is at all honoring to the Lord Jesus Christ. Someone tried to engage me in a conversation about the whole commercialization of Christmas as it related to the spiritual message of Christ and I responded, rather crudely, the way we observe Christmas today in terms of honoring Christ is similar to inviting a stripper to your grandparents 50th Anniversary Celebration. It’s simply rude, inappropriate and wrong on every level. Some would argue, but yes, we have Christmas cantatas and communion services and so forth and I would just continue my argument by saying, in the typical American home those are the equivalent of having a Church service for the renewal of Grandpa and Grandma’s 50th Wedding Anniversary THEN having the stripper show up at the reception. For those who think I’m being gratuitously hyperbolic, then I would ask you to consider the typical office party observed at Christmas.
Granted, devout Christians don’t go to the same level of excess (hopefully) as do non-believers, but I would still suggest our tendency to over-schedule, over-eat and over-spend is an unacceptable way to observe a Holy Day even if it doesn’t reach the depths of drunkenness and debauchery that will be observed by others.
I also want to iterate that I’m not against Christmas. It is a sweet time of year around which many fond memories have been built in our own home and family. But I would also hasten to add that none of my fond memories are attached to busyness, gifts received or gorging myself into a coma. Instead, they rotate around breaking through snow drifts the last Christmas my grandfather was alive to pick him up for Christmas eve communion. Driving all night to spend the Christmas holidays with my mother and sisters the first year after my father died. Hearing my mother read the Christmas story to her squirming grandchildren as they sat on her flocked couch.
Yes…it irritates me to hear that Wal-Mart is now saying “Happy Holidays” and just to be ornery, I will look the clerks straight in the eye and respond with “Merry CHRISTmas”. For me, my disgust for the ACLU is pretty much a 12-months-a-year loathing, but I will share with you that it does peak a bit with every lawsuit filed during the month of December to remove a nativity scene or a Christmas hymn from a school program. But in the end for me…I can and will observe Christmas in MY way in MY home and with MY spiritual values intact. That can’t be taken away from me by any corporate mogul or fanatical lawyer.
Yes, I’m fully aware of the pagan origins of Christmas. From the Christmas tree to Santa Claus, I understand that the celebration is rife with observances that, at one time, were wasted on false gods, non-Christian or even unchristian practices and a whole lot of silliness. In my Christian liberty, however, I am fully convinced that I can have the freedom to ignore that debris as long as I don’t resurrect its real origin in my observances. Decorating a tree does not make you a druid unless you are observing the doctrines and beliefs of the druids. I’m decidedly not. My tree reminds me of Christ and family – nothing more and nothing less. If decorating a tree stirs conviction in your heart – then by all means, do not put up a tree. I have several friends who refuse to decorate a tree – oddly, one of them actually decorates a cross which I find more than a little bizarre. And yes, I could be accused of being inconsistent by refusing to observe “Halloween” and then turning around and enjoying “Christmas”. Scripture tells us that we must be convinced in our own minds and this is where I’m at today. It is not a test of fellowship with me – again, I govern my family and I provide leadership to my church, but you will have to give account to the Lord for the decisions you make. You are free in Christ to govern your own family. We simply must agree that Scripture should always be our foundational guide.
David Noebel of Summit Ministries recently sent out an email with a list of Christmas Acts of Ludicracy which included the following:
- In Texas, a teacher told students not to write "Merry Christmas" on greeting cards for soldiers in Iraq because it might offend someone.
- In a New York school, the halls were decked with menorahs and Kwanzaa candles but no Christmas trees.
- A high school principal in the Seattle area canceled a dramatic performance of Charles Dickens' classic "A Christmas Carol" because of its Christmas theme.
- In Florida, an elementary school concert included songs about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa but offered no traditional Christmas music.
- In Rochester, Minnesota, two students were reprimanded for saying "Merry Christmas" in a school skit.
- Bay Harbor Islands, Florida refused to allow a Nativity scene on public property but has menorahs and the Star of David on lampposts.
- This year's "Parade of Lights" in Denver included Native Americans, belly dancers, and a ceremonial Chinese dance to "chase away evil spirits," but the parade organizers would not allow any Christian-themed floats.
John Gibson recently blogged about a poor old Catholic priest who apparently got confused at a "Holiday" event sponsored by the city and dropped the "J" word. A city council man went berzerk and grabbed the microphone to correct the travesty. (He later recanted and apologized.) It is just one more silly example of political correctness run amok.
However, stop and remember this... It has ALWAYS been on Satan's agenda to disrupt Christmas. He tried to stop it for 4,000 years before it ever happened. From the fall of man to the Egyptian captivity to Herod's murderous attack on infant boys -- Satan tried to stop the coming of Christ with every generation. So why should we be surprised that the unconverted world finds the celebration of Christ's birth offensive today?
The whole "Peace on Earth" thing about Christmas is totally misinterpretted. It was simply a greeting. Christ's arrival didn't bring peace...it brought conflict. We cannot have the peace OF God until we have made peace WITH God and that could not happen until Calvary's agenda was complete and we have accepted the invitation offered by God to be part of His Redeemed Bride.
Of course, we aren't offended by the observance of Hannukah or Kwanza or Ramadan or any other holiday of any flavor of spiritual significance. It means nothing to the Believer. Go ahead, knock yourself out -- it doesn't offend, matter or threaten me.
Ah, but Christmas -- the message that sinners need a Savior, that Salvation saves us from damnation, that Satan was defeated and there is hope and life beyond the grave. Well, now...THAT'S a different matter. For in the message of Christmas, we have a confrontation. What will you do with JESUS?
Scripture offends. The Gospel offends. Christ offends. That's they way it is supposed to be. Don't simply "react" to the political correctness. Point out the reason. No human can silence the call of God to salvation. Let the controversy be an opportunity; not a stumbling stone.
Satan didn't prevent the first advent, nor will he hinder the second one. Our mission must be to be faithful to the call of Evangelism until Christ comes again.|W|P|113449672523881166|W|P|We Shouldn't Be Surprised that Christmas is Offensive to Some|W|P|jdpettus@gmail.com12/10/2005 11:48:00 AM|W|P|Dan Burrell|W|P|
One of my closest friends, who is a former member of Grace Community Church received an email link to one of the most horrific websites on abortion I've ever seen from GCC Pastor/Elder Rick Holland. It is gruesome, shocking, horrifying, revolting, heart-breaking and dead-on accurate. You should force yourself to watch it.
As the father of four children whose birthparents chose life, rather than abortion, this issue has always run deeply personal to me. But even if I were not connected to the issue at this level, I'd be adamantly opposed to this wanton and reckless attitude toward the miracle of life.
Forty million babies have cried for mercy since the landmark ruling of Roe vs. Wade. I'm not so naive as to think that the world will ever be free from the holocaust and curse of abortion. At the same time, our government has chosen to legitimize it -- even subsidize it at times -- when it is nothing less than the wholesale slaughter of innocents. America's refusal to repent of this grave and wicked practice puts us in the same league as Hussein's Bathists and Hitler's Nazis. That isn't hyperbole -- it's just the harsh reality.
I dare you to click on the link below and force yourself to watch it. Learn from its facts and statistics -- but don't shy from the brutal photographs and videos. It may remind you of what is at stake with every election, every judicial appointment, every conversation you have with your teenager about purity and abstinence, every act of evangelism and discipleship wherein we share God's plan for order, life and substance.
You'll find the link HERE.
If you have a blog...add the link to your site as well or link it to this post. The world needs to know.|W|P|113423403252883663|W|P|Let's Not Forget the Horror of Abortion|W|P|jdpettus@gmail.com12/06/2005 07:04:00 PM|W|P|Dan Burrell|W|P|Sometimes where one stands depends on where one sits. And again, sometimes where someone stands depends on where one stands.
As a pastor, who stands on a podium week after week – often in various auditoriums – I can tell you that matters of church etiquette may be dependent upon on which side of the pulpit one finds himself.
I’ll admit to being a bit defensive and protective of the ministry of preaching. I try not to take myself too seriously. I’m famous for making verbal faux pas’ due to the rapidity of my natural speaking pace and the fact that often my brain is traveling faster than my mouth. Just this week, while speaking at Baptist Bible College in Clark Summit I accidentally read the wrong text and momentarily had Enoch being caught up into heaven in a fiery chariot – but I was under the influence of medications at the time. So, I’m not afraid to laugh while preaching, poking at my own foilables and I really do enjoy connecting with an audience.
But I also take preaching very seriously. Our teens will tell you that I don’t suffer goofing off during the preaching or prayer lightly. Once it is time to get into the meat of the Word, I become very focused on seeing it become real in the mind and heart of the listeners. Perhaps that’s why I find some audience behavior annoying, distracting and at times, offensive.
I’ve been in a sort of goofy mood this week. These poor BBC students probably think I’ve been smoking and inhaling. Maybe it’s the time of the year or just my own appreciation for the “Theatre of the Absurd” – but, this topic has been in my craw lately, so I thought I’d give you a light-hearted perspective on this topic. So lacking anything truly substantive to blog about tonight, I offer my “Top 10 List of Rude Audience Behavior.”
Drum roll, please….
10. Coming in late
These are folks who think that a late entrance is spiritual or fashionable or better-than-not-showing up at all. I’m not talking about the young single mother who is making sure her kids get to the nurseries or the occasional late-comer due to a traffic jam. I’m talking about the chronically tardy whose lateness is a matter of character. By coming in late week after week, you are communicating to the pastor that the first two songs or first two points or first two whatever you miss, just aren’t really that important.
9. Incessant Coughing
Everybody gets a tickle once in a while or a lingering case of bronchitis. There’s also the sudden unannounced cough that shows up uninvited and catches everyone by surprise. But what I’m talking about is the person who sounds like they are going to hark up a lung or are in some way related to the sea lion family. If you already know you have a cough, bring a cough suppressant, sit near the back, step into the lobby until the fit passes. But please, don’t sit on the second row and bark until someone throws you a fish!
8. Cute and Not-so-cute Babies and Toddlers
I’m 44 years old…there is nothing cute about me at all. I simply can’t compete with an adorable, cooing, curly-haired angel that wants to entertain three sections of pews with their absolutely darling antics. Please don’t make me try. I will lose every time. I just can’t compete with babies.
And then there’s the screamers. Those kids, who when they get cranked up sound like a cross between a banshee and a 747 coming in for a short-runway landing. Interestingly, there is a correspondence in many cases between the volume of the screaming child and the cluelessness of the parent. It’s like they think that it’s like a bit of gas – it will pass in a few seconds and everything will be fine. Uh…no, once some of these kids get going there’s just no stopping them.
Look, I’ve got four kids. I know they have to come into church eventually and that the training will require some difficult moments, squirming and even trips to the lobby. That’s OK. It’s part of being a family. But one screaming child in a room of 1,000 people will distract the congregation and the pastor and in effect, ruin a sermon. But one screaming or rambunctious child in a church of 100 and you might as well dismiss the service. Don’t let your kid wave at people, climb over and under pews, talk out loud, throw toys across the aisle and cause a disruption. The pastor has worked for hours and this is his life’s work. You do expect him to take it seriously, right? Then use the nursery and come in an listen respectfully.
7. Gum
Oh, this is a big one and I’ll admit largely personal and petty. My wife thinks I’m nuts for griping about this as she truly loves her gum. But from my perspective, (and it IS a farm-boy’s perspective) standing before a bunch of gum chewers reminds me of looking at a row of Hereford cows chewing their cud.
And if there’s one thing that will absolutely send me over the edge – crack it. Yes, that’s a nice touch. Not only do we get to watch endless mastication, we also get to listen to it as well with punctuated clicks, pops and snaps. Bring a sandwich, eat Oreos, shoot – set up your barbecue in the aisle and cooks some bratwursts, but please….NO GUM!
(Particularly if you’re in the choir!)
6. The “drawn out” candy wrapper
My grandmother was a great one at this. She’d bring those little Brach cinnamon disks that are so good, but have the noisy plastic wrappers around them. She was always worried about “causing a stir” so she’d try to unwrap it sslloooowwllyy – but what she really did was prolong the agony. Instead of quickly ripping it off in 1.2 seconds, it would take her 3 minutes of little crinkles and wrinkles until everyone was ready to scream, “PLEASE, for the sake of all our sanity! Just unwrap the stupid thing!”
I also enjoy those who try to unwrap candy in their pockets and purses which doesn’t really muffle the noise but gives the impression that you’re about to pull out a revolver at any second. That’s a little nerve-wracking also.
5. The Thimble-Sized Bladder/Camel-Sized Thirst Syndrome
You know what I mean…the folks that just can’t make it through a 90-minute service without hitting the restroom and/or the water fountain – at least once, sometimes more. My favorite was the rather large lady who sat up in front and would sneak sips from her Diet Coke can and then would waddle out mid-way through the service. Hello??? Lay off the coke and you won’t have to visit the “little girl’s room” – plus, is this a church or the movie theatre? What are you going to want next? Cup holders? While that example is a decade or more old, I’ve recently seen folks smuggling water bottles and coffee cups with them into various services. Seriously, if you are that thirsty – you might need to visit your doctor.
If you can’t make it more than an hour without visiting the restroom, here’s another idea – Depends.
4. The Mega-Sneeze
This of course is the malady of the individual who didn’t get enough attention when they were a child so they periodically have to let loose with a roaring sneeze that will blow the wig off the person sitting in front of them. Often, it sounds more like someone dropped an ice cube down their back or they are just entering into some sort of Charismatic fit and has the equivalent response of firing off a shotgun mid service. This half shriek, half howl sneeze is guaranteed to disrupt a preacher’s focus and cadence while people peel themselves off the ceiling and titter embarrassingly for a few moments. By that time, the preacher has moved through 2 more points.
There additional versions of the "mega-sneeze" that includes sounds that run the gamut from whistles, to a tourette's whoop, to the sound that a mouse might make if you step on it. Just do a polite "achoo" and be done with it, OK?
3. The Inappropriate “Amen-er”
A personal favorite here. The “inappropriate Amen’er” is often the person who uses a very loud “Amen” to announce some sort of personal problem. The preacher makes a statement like “A wife should support her husband’s effort to lead the home spiritually” when all of a sudden, some guy rips off a bellaring, “Welp, AMEN!”. A lot of people snicker, the wife turns red, the kids roll their eyes and he feels like he’s had his say. Yep, he said something alright…he just announced, “I’m an idiot.”
2. The Early Departer
This person is VERY, VERY important. They are SO IMPORTANT that they can’t honestly be expected to wait until the benediction or the conclusion of the invitation or the final hymn. Oh no…they HAVE to be the first one out of the parking lot, first one in line at the nursery, first one at the Ryan’s Buffet or some other vital appointment. Usually these folks enjoy sitting near the front to give the impression that to respond to the invitation you go backwards, not forwards. Sometimes they have the look of a salmon swimming up stream as they dodge people who are coming forward to do business with the Lord.
1. CELL PHONES
OK…This is my number one pet peeve. Rarely does a service go by without someone having a cell phone go off. This in spite of the fact that every church I know today has powerpoint signs, bulletin announcements, even verbal reminders to Turn Off Your Cell Phone. I particularly appreciate those who have a ringer that plays a rendition of “Livin’ La Vida Loca” or “Ebony and Ivory.” Yes, that truly promotes a spirit of Worship.
Every phone I know of has both an “off switch” AND a “vibrate” setting. I’ve literally watched people answer their phones in the service and act like they are whispering as they carry on the conversation as they exit. What is SO important that it can’t wait a few more minutes? What did people do way back in the 1990’s when cell phones were a luxury, not part of one’s anatomy? Unless you work for the President or are a transplant surgeon, don’t you think it could probably be wait? Here’s a tip…when you turn the phone off, the voice mail will record your message and you can retrieve it as you sit in traffic waiting to leave the parking lot.
Unless, of course, you are an “early departer.”
Now, I’ve written this with tongue firmly in cheek. If you think you recognize yourself in this list, I wasn’t thinking about you. Really. No, I mean that. I promise…it ISN’T you!
I’m not trying to come off as a prima donna or a legalist or some sort of retentive preacher/tyrant. But I do hope you’ll consider that the audience is really an audience in a true worship service. They are a part of the worship, the process, the presentation. Each of us in the body have different responsibilities as we worship together. Let’s all take our parts seriously.|W|P|113391393695926607|W|P|My Top 10 List of Rude Audience Behavior|W|P|jdpettus@gmail.com12/07/2005 10:15:00 PM|W|P| Dan Burrell|W|P|Great addition, Tina. I can't believe I missed that one. All personal grooming should be verboten in public audiences, but finger nail clipping is the worst. I always envision the clipping flying through the air landing in some ladies' bouffant.
Someone at church tonight mentioned that they had read this post and suggested the worst they had seen was breast-feeding during church. I've never observed that myself, but gotta' say I'd find it more than a little distracting.
Feel free to add more if you think of them!12/08/2005 12:33:00 PM|W|P| Cindy Swanson|W|P|Ouch, gotta admit...I'm often an early departer. Only because our church has a tendency to have very long night services, and I have to be up at 4 AM every day. But I really do try to exit from a back row, during a moment when most eyes are closed, BEFORE the invitation and as quietly as possible...honestly!
I was kinda surprised that you didn't mention the sleepers. I used to think preachers were just being petty when they complained about sleepers... until I spoke at a Rotary Club luncheon during which a prominent local dentist was practically snoring the entire time. I saw first-hand how rude and distracting it is!12/09/2005 03:50:00 PM|W|P| Ken Lewis|W|P|In addition to being a gifted speaker, you have a gift for stating the naked truth, but in a funny and inoffensive manner that still makes the point.
Thanks for the laughs and reminders of things that detract from the objective to 'preach and reach'.12/05/2005 08:53:00 PM|W|P|Dan Burrell|W|P|
Well, this week I'm up at Baptist Bible College and Seminary in Clarks Summit, PA speaking at their college and seminary. I really enjoy my invitations here. They have a super spirit on campus. Jim Jeffrey is the President and he is a super guy. They have a wonderful worship leader for the college and the chapel music ministry is the best of any college I speak at bar none. The kids sing, the music is meaningful and sound, the spirit is free and I look forward to being a part of it every time I'm here.
I preached at both services at Northside yesterday a.m. and then ran home and packed before heading to the airport. Of course, my plane was delayed an hour and they have no TV's in the waiting areas, so I missed the rest of the Panther's game which gave me a little bit of a bad attitude. (I did get to watch them haul some drunk dude off a flight headed to Newark and give him the "treatment" which was entertaining, but it was the NFL.)
I made it to Philadelphia just in time to hustle over to my connecting flight. After running like OJ to the gate, we discovered that the flight there was delayed.
Now let me tell you this. USAirways is about the only option we have for flying out of Charlotte as it is a major hub for them. On a good day, their service is mediocre. But if there is a "bottom-of-the-bucket" airport in American today in terms of service -- it is undoubtably Philadelphia. EVERY time I go there, I end up with lost luggage, unexplained delays or long waits on the tarmac. Yesterday I got all three.
A four-hour delay -- with absolutely NO explanations from the USAirways personnel. You could get more information by calling the 800 number than you could get at the gate. THEN, when they finally loaded us onto a puddlejumper plane, we watched our carry-on luggage sent on the tarmac for 40 minutes until someone from luggage meandered over. So...they had four hours and forty minutes to transfer our luggage from the Charlotte flight to the Philly-to-Scranton flight. But of course, fully 1/2 of us didn't have luggage when we finally arrived in Scranton at 10:45. So they tell us to file a claim at the front counter. I was 12th in line and yes, they had all of ONE attendant processing claims. After 15 minutes, someone else showed up to help. They assured me that there was another flight coming in and my luggage would be delivered during the night so I didn't have to worry about the prospect of preaching in blue jeans at my 9:00 chapel service.
I got up at 7:30 to pick up my bag at the hotel desk and of course, they hadn't delivered it. So I ended up borrowing a sport coat and khakis from the guy who picked me up. Thankfully, we basically wear the same size or so.
THEN I get a call from USAirways that they've changed my flights for returning which would have caused me to miss a VERY important meeting I have at church Wednesday evening. So they rescheduled on a different flight to get me back only to put me on a flight that left while I was scheduled to be preaching in chapel! Cindy, the world's most competent personal assistant finally threated to break enough legs at USAirways that they put me on a Delta flight (I still will have less than an hour to go from chapel to being on the plane, but I think I can make it) which will get me back in time for my Wednesday night service and meeting.
SO....if at all possible...a) do NOT use USAirways....they've lost my luggage so many times I've lost count, their counter help is consistently rude and they flight times are unreliable (there's a REASON they are in bankruptcy) and b) avoid Philadelphia Airport at all costs (It always amazes me that a skiff of snow causes the airport to go into paralyzation mode -- for pete's sake -- it's PHILADELPHIA...what do the get, like 500 inches of snow a year??!?!?).
So I'm a little crabby tonight and stressed...but blogging helps me out. It's like therapy.
I know the Lord is teaching me things right now, but I feel like I'm cramming for finals. Just getting sermons together for a week like this is a major effort after the harddrive crash. But in the end, God puts me where I need to be, when I need to be there and always lays something on my heart important enough to share. It's just this walking by faith thing that keeps me on my toes (or more like "on my knees.")
Hopefully, I'll be able to post something less-whiny and more substantive in the next few days.|W|P|113383522182978451|W|P|I Told You Dirt Sticks to Me!|W|P|jdpettus@gmail.com12/01/2005 01:37:00 PM|W|P|Dan Burrell|W|P|
I'm a bit under the weather this week with some sort of cold/bronchitus thing going on, so I haven't felt much up to writing. There are two interesting articles I'd call to your attention.
First, you know one of my favorite bloggers is Phil Johnson of Pyromaniac. His blog artwork is simply unexcelled anywhere in cyberspace. But today, he writes an essay on "Worldliness" that is an absolute masterpiece and pokes both the liberals and the legalists directly in the eye. You simply must read it.
Secondly, if you don't think Western Europe isn't a new dark continent in terms of the gospel, check out this article I received from ACSI this afternoon.
------------
It’s a Boy! A British Christian charity, the Breakout Trust, has spent about $350,000 to produce a film and distribute it to 26,000 primary schools to teach children about Jesus and His birth. “There are over 12 million children in the U.K., and only 756,000 of them go to church regularly,” said the animated film’s creator, Steve Legg. He told the Manchester Evening News that he came up with the idea for the movie to teach youngsters Bible basics when he heard about a “boy asking why Jesus Christ was named after a swear word.” Learn more at www.breakout.org.uk/.
------------
Finally, for those who still wonder about my harddrive. The news isn't good. The first company gave up without retrieving a single piece of data. Not one stinking byte. My brains are now bundled into an express mail package going somewhere in Indiana, I think, for another company to give it a shot. I'm sweating bullets as I'm teaching a Senior Level Worldview and Apologetics course in Boston in a month and ALL my notes, tests, visuals -- everything are on that harddrive! And no, I still haven't stopped whining about this....
Acchhooo for now.|W|P|113346317916684524|W|P|A Couple of Articles of Note|W|P|jdpettus@gmail.com